I must say I’ve almost packed pottery in twice as its so frustrating throwing on the wheel but after throwing bags of clay in the bin, I’m finely making solid shapes!   

 

I personally think this film is AMAZING!The script, the characters, the single shot camera, the editing!

The film to me is a great black comedy,all the actors work so well together.It must of been a easy film to shoot for the actors and staff as its set in one location. The single shot camer and the SGI blow my mind! That’s how SGI should be shot it was suttel but so effective in the mirror scenes.The caracters were wonderful Edward Norton caracter was my favorite “mike shiner” the crazy self centered  volitie method actor.I don’t understand why people dislike this film as its truly great, the script is also refreshing and different. 

 

“A choice of weapons”Gordon Parks.

This book I got two days ago and I’ll be finished by tomorrow! I’ve been a fan of Gordon’s photography but I never tuck a deeper interest in him until a few weeks ago.This man is a true Product of hope and success.Not all of us have this push unless we have to fight to live.Back in the 1920s being African American was hard as they had more options than their elders but the fight to get those options of having a better life where extremely harsh, constantly having to push for survival and keep hope.Gordon was self educated and disaplined.This book has imprinted my mind and will stay with me, as will “Lady singing the blues” Billie Holiday, “Pimp””black Widow” Iceburg Slim. These 3 have a lot in common being black in a white world as it was back then in America having to struggle out of the shit and become someone.

 

Today after working on a vase on the pottery wheel (which wasn’t a great success the finishing vase became a peace of shizzer) i was sat in a cafe reading Facebook and i noticed a donation for an old school friend i clicked on it and sadly he’d passed away, which really upset me as this is the first time that someone from my early childhood has died,I’ve lost one friend before but i knew them from my late teens.

this friend is in most of my memories from 4 to 11 years old we grow up in a poor place but i was always dressed good always had the best trainers/sneakers on but tim wasn’t i felt sorry for him some times i don’t remember why but i remember feeling like this for him.i really liked him i remember him being sensitive as when your kids you take the micky out of each other and i remember him crying at times but i can’t remember why.

I found out that he hung himself and left a baby behind, i used to get so mad hearing about people committing suicide thinking “god they are so selfish!” but only until recently am i really thinking from another point of view maybe because I’m happy and not so stuck up or uptight.i can be these things i admit but aren’t we all at some point in ours life time?Hearing about Timmy has really touched me and that in this day and age people are too embarrassed about getting help,where I’m from no one considers therapy its classed as wrong “oh nor am not sitting in a seat talking ta someone a don’t know” typed in  northern slang.My mother is the same her face reaction is like she’s seeing something so disgusting and bad when you mention therapy to her.I feel for Timmy as i bet he’s had that dark cloud for a very long time as living in Mansfield can be grim and some have grim upbringings to. i hope he’s better off now. This scares me who else is holding this in i know back home, instead of the media pumping out politics bulshit which the public believe why don’t they do some good and make talking about personal depression a big thing in England! As in America bloody everyone loves to talk about themselves and are open to therapy.

 

Now don’t get me wrong I’ve never got scared or nervous about doing a scene.But the last time i shot in Budapest which was my last as i was so fucking angry with my agent there as the agents don’t really give a fuck about their girls they just assume they can handle it,yes they can if they have shot over 10 scenes but some of these poor eastern european girls haven’t so no wonder they are cold performers as they are thrown into Rocco stiffredi for their first scene!

it was my 3rd and last time shooting in Eastern Europe, my personal view is that they are not very professional as in time as you’re in makeup at 9am then you’re waiting around till 2pm to start photos.

my agent became sneaky and lazy in my opinion, she got a lot of the information wrong and was always late on details so then it looked like i was the person in the wrong when I’m ON POINT when its to do with work.

the last trip fucked me off so much i wouldn’t shoot there again, id rather work in a brass house than work there!

on my first shoot on my last tour there, my agent didn’t tell me who i was working with which really fucked me off as i knew something dodgy was going on as no lie i messaged the cunt 7 times that day asking.so long story short my driver picked me up a cool Russian old school gezza we couldn’t  communicate much due to the language barrier but we had good convo strongly enough i liked him always on time straight to the point and great with time keeping.

Anyways i said “Ivan where am i fucking going? Ivan laughing ” Rocco office.” i said ” you’re fucking around aint you?”Ivan” no,…. really”

Well i went red with anger i felt like crying with anger i really did.I kept thinking to myself maybe its not Rocco as its at his office,i knew fuck all about this shoot which enraged me as this was the first time the cunt of an agent did this sure she was last min but never not ignoring giving the details to me!

So i walk into the apartment block which is like something off of “Taken”the movie, as in Budapest thats what the entrance to the apartments look like.

i was fuming thinking of canceling but i didn’t wanna look like a cunt or for some reason weak, so i was about to say no, but in my head part of me was saying “just do it don’t be a such a mardy  bum!” so i said to Rocco “look i didn’t know i was working with you until 5mins ago, i will shoot but I’m not into hard hard hardcore ok the agent didn’t give any info,so be smooth”

well i dunno if that scene is out there but it was the worst and he wasn’t even being that hard, the guys dick is like a horses dick and a horses dick trying to fit in a pin hole feels like a baby being pushed back inside you.He must of thought i loved it as i was looking at myself in the mirror all the way through,this wasn’t the case in my head i was saying over and over again no lie lol “you can do it, you can take it, block out the pain”fuck me that horse dick fucked me 45mins which felt like a life time and i was so raw as its impossible to get any juices flowing with him.

After that time i made my  mind up i aint shooting there again and I’m done with porn!…..In 6months.

 

 

 

Since hearing about the “James Deen” scandal this seems to not be anything new.I understand why these ladies didn’t say anything as being in porn it looks bad as you’re seen doing scenes for Kink.com and other hardcore scenes for other companies but the thing is this is acted out theres other people in the room hidden behind the camera,I don’t honestly remember being force into ever having sex before or after the scene on set but some men can be forceful its male nature they see something they want it,especially if they haven’t worked with you or they know you are submissive.

Seeing girls like “Samantha Bently”she loved being force into sex even off camera Rocco Stiffredi was one supposedly he’d come to her apartment and force his dick in her row arse! BUT……. She enjoyed this she’s the rapey foreplay typed.Some feel loved and worshiped when men are being forceful like this. This to me isn’t right porn is far too hard it’s becoming just dominating and submissive theres no middle, nothing is taboo.

There seems to be a pattern to James antics which in my mind seems like positive results to his actions these girls are not connected to each other and also through the great vine there was a restaurant instant that he grabbed his girlfriends head and bashed it straight into the table,she did not file a report BUT the restaurant did for their records, also another a girl went to a porn house party and supposedly long story short he punch her in the face getting to much into the dominant role and fucked her in front of everyone, I don’t know why she didn’t report this but I think its because she went to a porn party so that immediately looks bad.which women shouldn’t feel this way,whether it’s a porn party,swingers party or on a porn set women shouldn’t feel just because they are in an environment that sex is around that they won’t be taken seriously.The girl wasn’t in the industry ether so its probably harder to take mentally as with female performs we’re having sex all the time whether you where raped or not female performers are strong minded with dealing with things of a sexual nature, i am not saying all are like this but most are.

I don’t have a bad word to say about him as i just go on set do my job and leave,he’s very much into himself and likes to use big words thats all I remember of him.

Could he be the American psycho of porn who likes Pussy  cats? I saw on his Twitter he like cats. 😔

 

 

Won’t lie I’m in limbo I struggle to get creative as when your happy and life is clear it’s hard for me to get creative and push myself.

Don’t get me wrong I love being happy n clear, it’s a stress as I feel I’m being lazy I suppose I’m marinading in love…. But with love I decided to make a mold of my tits and with this came an idea of he that I should make something out of these. I am not saying what is going to evolve from this mold but it’s going to be bright.  

 

I can’t get enough of reading about history but reading about inventions is extremely enlightening.since the 20th century (Industrial Age) to now it blows my mind on how fast we’ve evolved with technology. Too fast perhaps.   

Never was a reader until about 2years, I love to read whatever chance I get even on the loo you’ll find me with a book.junkie is a beautifully written book about a junkie pusha who’s life revolves around finding the next hit, getting clean then starting again and being a homosexual. I’m only half way through the book so this is all I know, I’ll be through with this book this week!